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 Full House
Adopting 23 Special Needs Children Has the Murphy Family’s Home Bursting at the Seams
By Julie Clark and Suzanne Kayes
Born with Down syndrome and a serious heart defect, Noah was suffering from a lung fungus and needed an oxygen tube when he became part of the Murphy family 13 years ago. Today, nicknamed Casanoah, he greets ladies with a kiss on the hand, sometimes even donning his favorite Batman mask. When visitors call, his brother Nicholas hides behind mom, peeking out periodically with a gorgeous grin. And sisters Lindsey and Mia run into the arms of dad for a big bear hug. This is a picture-perfect day for parents John and Jeanette Murphy. Everyone is happy and healthy with no impending trips to the hospital. And if anyone counts their blessings, it’s this super-sized family living in Morrow south of Atlanta.
It’s been one amazing journey considering that 10 of their adopted children were on death’s door, facing severe medical complications like heart defects and blood infections. Not to mention the 15 cases of Down syndrome, 14 open-heart surgeries and various behavioral problems in the mix. And they support the entire family on approximately $8,700 a month from Social Security disability benefits. But these children are often considered “unwanted” by prospective adoptive parents and would likely be institutionalized if it weren’t for the endless compassion of this spiritual Georgia pair.
 Meet the Murphys
Only a superhero could run a quiet, orderly home with 17 disabled children. And yet this kindhearted couple in their 50s and their 19-year-old birth daughter Bethany (who incidentally plays Wonder Woman at Six Flags) make it a reality. That’s 20 people crammed into seven bedrooms! Yet the kids are remarkably well behaved and respectful of each other. And the noise level is incredibly deceiving with the family busy doing chores or practicing Phonics. On an average day though, Jeanette does seven loads of laundry and prepares 60 meals. That kind of assembly-line production requires a great deal of organization and planning. Then again, John and Jeanette never planned to adopt this many special needs children.
The two self-described hippies met in the ’70s while working at a group home for disabled adults. They quickly became discouraged by the staff’s constant coddling and low expectations of the handicapped residents, many of whom couldn’t even bathe or dress themselves. After John and Jeanette married, a second time for both, they had two healthy baby boys, Shawn and Christian, and then decided to adopt a little girl with severe brain damage. Shannon may have been different, but she wasn’t helpless. They wanted to teach her basic life skills so she could do some things for herself. So Shannon, at age 5, became a full-fledged Murphy and later welcomed her new brother Josh and sister Bethany.
Of the four birth children, Bethany is the only one still living at home. And she’s the most selfless teenager you’ll ever meet. Some might expect her to harbor resentment, seeing as she has to share her parents’ attention with so many special needs siblings. But to Bethany, she has a more stable family life than most of her friends who struggle with divorce and distant parents.
So what made the Murphys adopt almost two dozen children? Expecting parents pray for a healthy baby, but John, who’s a registered nurse, and Jeanette felt that disabled kids would thrive under their care and supervision. There wasn’t a single disorder they would turn down, not heart defects, not serious emotional problems, not cerebral palsy. They adopted 23 in all, although one has since moved out and five more tragically passed away. They felt it was their calling to accept the “unwanted,” whether they were babies, toddlers or teenagers. Many of the biological parents were drug addicts, prostitutes or had mental disorders themselves. The couple welcomed Kristina (whose mother was schizophrenic) almost four years ago, their last adoption to date — sort of a birthday present to Jeanette. Will it be their last? They seem to think so, taking into account their age, but if God brought them another child, they said, they wouldn’t hesitate to open their home once again.
Triumph and Tragedy
The troop seems to be well taken care of and sublimely happy. And there’s little doubt these innocent souls, ranging in age from 4 to 37, are better off as part of a loving family than alone in an institution. “A lot of them have really surprised us because we knew they could accomplish a lot, but I don’t know that we even realized how much they could do,” Jeanette said proudly. Frustrated with the public school system, she decided to home school, teaching simple, everyday skills that would promote more independence and self-confidence. Things like making the bed and cooking eggs for breakfast. That first meal of the day can take up to two hours as each person likes to take his or her turn at the stove. And the kids are so calm and courteous, that John and Jeanette can even take them out to a restaurant for a special treat.
Some of them, like Amy who has Down syndrome, are high functioning and even help out with the little ones, doling out medicines and holding up flash cards. John and Jeanette are so proud of Amy, for they feared early on that she would never be able to speak. Not only does she speak, she also loves to read, although only at a second-grade level.
Angel is another success story. “When we got her, she was scared to death of everything,” Jeanette said. “She would just cry at the slightest sound and cower over in a corner.” Now even a prosthetic leg and the fact that she’s completely blind doesn’t slow her down. She’ll try anything new and loves to swim in the backyard pool.
Swimming keeps everyone limber and trim, as individuals with Down syndrome easily put on weight, yet are extremely flexible, too. Many of the Murphys also have poor blood circulation due to congenital heart defects. But mom closely watches their diet and Bethany keeps them busy with choreographed dance routines, plus they attend a tumbling class once a week.
Still, some of the children have severe retardation, limiting both their physical and mental capabilities. A handful can only mumble a few words on occasion, like Jimmy, who not only has Down syndrome, but autism, too. The sad thing, John said, is that he was almost like a savant as a little boy, reading the names of presidents and dinosaurs without any trouble. Over the years, Jeanette suspected that he was mildly autistic because of the way he would hold his hands and do tedious tasks over and over again. But the teachers and doctors kept telling her that it was only Down syndrome, and when he was finally diagnosed at age 13, they had missed precious time in which to tackle the psychological disease head-on. “I was so disappointed because he could have been helped a little bit,” his mom said sadly. As a result, he’s gradually lost his speech, saying a familiar word or flashing a coy smile from time to time.
Then there was the custody case for Cody, which received nationwide attention and became the subject of a 1993 made-for-TV movie starring Patty Duke called “No Child of Mine.” For the Murphys, it was a 14-month nightmare in which Cody’s grandparents vehemently fought for custody even though it was the dying mother’s wish that John and Jeanette raise the baby when she no longer could. There was also the angry social worker that tried to take all the children away, claiming they were unfit caregivers. City officials stepped in and stood up for the family, calling the charges ridiculous. “I don’t think I’ve ever, except for the loss of my children, had anything so traumatic happen,” Jeanette said.
The mere mention of a sick child that succumbed to their disease makes Jeanette well up with tears. Three died before their first birthday, but the passings of Jonathan, or Jon Boy, and Nikki were the hardest to accept. Jon Boy, a funny favorite, lost his five-year battle with leukemia, while Nikki, momma’s little helper, suffered a brain aneurysm after a staff blood infection. Both are dearly missed, and their pictures are hung throughout the house. “May was our sad month,” Jeanette said. “May was when we lost Jon Boy and Nikki and we never had a birthday. And May used to be my favorite month. It’s just so pretty.”
This Old House
With mounting medical costs, as well as the immense financial and emotional drain of family illnesses and deaths, it’s easy to see how the Murphy home could slowly fall into a state of disrepair. When they were shopping for a home in Atlanta to be closer to Jeanette’s grandparents nearly 20 years ago, they found one within their budget that needed a bit of TLC … to say the least. The previous owner was a tax resister and left the home a certifiable wreck. Graffiti coated the uneven walls and light fixtures were spitefully ripped out of the ceiling, yet John and Jeanette saw untapped potential in this forsaken home, just as they do in abandoned children. Plus, the house did have a pool (albeit a liner and a bit of handiwork was needed), which would provide an excellent form of exercise for the children. And thanks to Jeanette’s brother, the family had a talented handyman to turn this house into a loving home.
“We spent the next seven years, gradually fixing it up,” Jeanette said. “But in ’95, our world fell apart. My brother moved to North Carolina and Jonathan died. Those two things together just threw us off, so gradually all these things fell apart. We just couldn’t find a maintenance man that we could afford.” To compound matters, Nikki died just three years later, which hastened the steady decline.
Recently the Murphys have fixed a few things they could afford, like patching up the pool and installing new carpet, but with the mounting wear and tear on this nearly 40-year-old house, it’s like stopping an avalanche with a teaspoon. The heating and air conditioning system is maxed to its limit, as there is only one unit to service the entire sprawling ranch. Battling a roach problem that warrants $600 a year for routine visits from their friendly exterminator is the least of their problems. The basement has flooded six times this year alone, making three of the children’s rooms unusable due to mold. And with a final touch of irony, while there is water everywhere in the basement, there is not enough in the pipes. “When one person is taking a bath in one room, they hardly get any water in the next,” said Jeanette with a chuckle instead of a sigh.
When asked what she would wish for in a brand new house, Bethany immediately said more room for the kids. Not a private bathroom or a bigger bedroom. Soundproof walls might come in handy though, she laughed, with toddlers as young as 4 running around. “It would be nice to have a house that doesn’t break down all the time so our parents could spend more time with us,” she said sweetly.
Their house is in such need of repair, and the Murphys are so deserving of a helping hand, that friends of the family nominated them for ABC’s “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.” For a moment it seemed as though their prayers were answered. They heard through the grapevine that the show’s work crew was in their hometown to help a deserving family … but they soon discovered it was another family just a few blocks away from their own home.
Friend of the family and world-renowned child advocacy lawyer Don Keenan helped with the three-year effort to have the Murphy family reconsidered for the show. The group coordinated petition drives, made a home video, and even baked a cake with caricatures of the kids and sent it to Hollywood movers and shakers. But their endeavors were in vain. “I thought it was a no-brainer,” Keenan stated emphatically. “There is no more deserving family that needs a house. It was very difficult to get a ‘no’ out of the Hollywood producers; it’s always ‘still under consideration’ or ‘next year.’ ”
“We went through the front door, the back door, the sliding door, through all kinds of contacts, and the word came back: ‘The Murphy family is so big, that we will not be able to finish the project within the week period and therefore is not conducive to the format of the show,’ ” Keenan recounted.
It was a heart-wrenching blow to the family, but one from which they quickly recovered with grace and dignity. “The first day I was depressed,” Jeanette remembered. “But I always tell myself I chose this life. And if this is all we can do, this is all we can do. I know the kids are happy and that’s the most important thing.” After a moment of reflection, she somberly concluded, “I would live in this house forever if I could have Nikki and Jon Boy back.”
The Murphy House Project
Hope for a new home is not lost, however, thanks to the dedicated efforts of the Keenan Kids Foundation, a charity established to assist and advise at-risk children. The Murphy House Project hopes to raise $300,000 to build a home that matches the quality of the Murphys’ hearts. The aim is two-fold. One, the foundation would like to build an approximately 1,500-square-foot building on the Murphy property for the older children to live independently. Since many of the children are already in their twenties and beyond, it would give them a feeling of independence and self-worth, but they would still be safely within reach of their parents in the main house only 25 to 30 yards away. When the foundation reaches the $100,000 mark, they will begin this project, which will be a “dress rehearsal” for the work on the main house. The remaining $200,000 will be spent drastically improving their current home and making custom improvements to address the family’s special needs.
So far, the charity has raised approximately $78,000 (mostly from corporate donations), but fundraising efforts have hit a roadblock because of a miscommunication with the generous public. “I’m OK with being turned down by ‘Home Edition,’ but the damage that they’ve done is to our fundraising and awareness campaign. It has been stymied by the humongous perception that America has regarding this show,” Keenan said. “When someone sees a family in need, they [believe the family will] get a home from ‘Home Edition,’ end of story.”
Since that is not a possibility for the Murphys, the foundation has an uphill battle informing the public, even after an impressive feature article in People magazine last year. Although they received generous donations of clothes and other items from around the world, the Murphy House fundraising efforts went unnoticed. “We got 60,000 hits on the Murphy House Project Web site following the People magazine article … and I naively thought that after six pages in People magazine, the house was built,” Keenan said. “It was so disappointing because well over half of the people who responded to the email box said we should contact ‘Extreme Home Edition,’ as if we had never considered it. I had a half-dozen volunteers respond to each of those emails saying, ‘Thank you for the suggestion. We’ve already done that. Could you help with donating time or help with a local fundraiser?’ ”
The response? Not even a flitter. “The real disservice that ‘Home Edition’ has done to us is that they have such a persona in the public opinion, that we can’t raise any money,” Keenan lamented. “And it’s not that we just want money; we want anything the people can give us.”
Of course, it doesn’t help matters that although the Murphys gratefully accept sporadic gifts of support, they would never ask a soul for anything. “The most difficult thing with the Murphys is getting them to tell you what they need,” Keenan stated. “They think if they say that they need something, then they’re not thankful for what they have. I really think that’s the way they approach the world, which is wonderful, but it doesn’t help those who want to help them. It really shows what kind of heart they have.”
The Family Chain
This is the house that love built. It’s the family inside that makes every day a miracle and a blessing. The children grin and giggle as if there is never a sad note to sing. Yet in the palpable joy that pervades every nook and cranny of this tattered, old house, there is still something missing. A hole never quite filled, a heart never totally at peace. You can only detect it when Jeanette and John speak of those they’ve lost with trembling voices.
Hanging on their worn, wallpapered wall is a poem titled “The Broken Chain” and a photo of Jon Boy and Nikki beaming
with smiles. It reads, “We little knew that morning that God was going to call your name. In life we loved you dearly. In death we do the same. It broke our hearts to lose you, you did not go alone; for part of us went with you, the day God called you home. You left us peaceful memories, your love is still our guide; and though we cannot see you, you are always by our side. Our family chain is broken and nothing seems the same, but as God calls us one by one, the Chain will link again.”
True to the spirit of the Murphy family, even grief has a glimmer of hope. It proves that every life, no matter how short or bleak, is a gift to cherish forever.
Help Build a House of Hope This Holiday Season
Want to help? Founded in 1993, The Keenan Kids Foundation is an IRS-certified, five-star-rated charity. Donations are completely tax-deductible and 100 percent of all donated funds will go directly to building a new home for the Murphy family. For more information or to donate to the project, please visit www.murphyhouseproject.com.
One By One
Courtesy of the Murphy Family
Adopted Children
Kristina, 4
Mother had developmental disabilities and schizophrenia. Showing mild developmental delays. Sweet, easygoing and cheerful.
Nicholas, 4
Born with only two heart chambers, several heart defects and Hirschprung’s disease. Had one bowel surgery and three heart surgeries so far. Inquisitive, shy and loves to help.
Mia, 11
Born with Down syndrome and a heart defect; post-operative complications required a pacemaker. Arrived on 24-hour oxygen, 24-hour gastric tube feeds and 24-hour nursing care with a failure to thrive and celiac disease. Silly, cute, bossy and helpful.
Nathan, 11
Born with Down syndrome and a mild heart defect (small hole that closed on its own). Very hyper and wants to help with everything. Receives most of the timeouts.
Emily, 12
Born with Down syndrome and a heart defect, which was repaired. Has post-op pacemaker. Has mild cerebral palsy. Likes to be goofy; very stubborn, but loving.
Noah, 14
Born with Down syndrome and a serious heart defect, which was repaired. Acquired a lung fungus and required 24-hour oxygen. He’s Casanoah, a real lady charmer. Is also a great dancer and actor.
Callie, 16
Born with Down syndrome and a heart defect, which was repaired. Adopted at age 3 with behavioral problems and hyperactivity. Very athletic and helpful with tough jobs, but has a stubborn streak.
Cody, 16
Born with Down syndrome. He was hyperactive when he was younger, but is much more mellow now. Thoughtful of others and loves music and dance.
Lindsey, 18
Born with Down syndrome and a heart defect, which was repaired at 2 months. Was very introverted, but is a real clown now and makes people laugh. Loves country music and singing.
Amy, 20
Born with Down syndrome and a heart defect, which was repaired at age 2. She’s very organized and coordinates chores with her siblings. Loves her television shows and crossword puzzles.
Jimmy, 20
Born with Down syndrome and a heart defect, which was banded and then repaired at age 3. Developed autism at a young age and can hardly communicate now. Very quiet and sweet.
Julia, 20
Born with Down syndrome. Became a part of the family at age 16 because of a disrupted adoption due to behavioral problems and stealing. She is confident, talkative, outgoing and friendly.
Brandon, 21
Born to a mother with serious emotional disabilities and drug abuse. Was emotionally deprived for two and a half years, which resulted in learning disabilities. He’s now out on his own and working. Was very sweet and helpful as a child.
Jeremy, 22
Born with Down syndrome and severe mental impairment. Adopted at age 5 with no skills at all. Quiet and loves music videos.
Josiah, 22
Born with Down syndrome and severely mentally disabled. Had an imperforate anus, which was repaired at age 3, and a heart defect, which was repaired at four weeks. Goofy, likes being outside, and loves to swing.
Angel, 23
Born premature at 18 ounces. Lost all vision due to excess oxygen in incubator. Had a tracheostomy due to tracheal atresia. Blood clot destroyed growth center of her leg bone requiring a foot amputation at age 5. Now has a prosthetic leg. Easygoing, helpful, and loves talking on the phone.
Shannon, 29
Severely brain damaged. Adopted at age 5 with serious emotional problems and hyperactivity. Calmer now, but still has emotional issues.
Angela, 37
Born with Down syndrome. Adopted at age 15 with few skills. Now is very helpful with household chores and thoughtful of others.
Birth Children
Bethany, 19
Helpful and creative. Loves reading, acting and writing.
Josh, 21
Quiet, easy-going and loves cars. He’s a hard worker and now lives on his own in McDonough.
Christian, 27
Very laid-back and easy-going. Likes theater, wants to produce documentaries, and lives in Montgomery, Ala.
Shawn, 29
Loves acting and stand-up comedy. Hilarious and very creative. Lives in Brooklyn, N.Y.
Gone, But Never Forgotten
Sadly all the love in the world couldn’t keep these little angels from passing.
They will forever be in the Murphys’ hearts.
Rachel, 9 months
She had a heart defect and a deformed trachea, necessitating a tracheotomy. Died in 1985 from a plugged trache in ICU.
Hope, 6 months
Had Down syndrome and post-operative paralysis of her diaphragm, necessitating a tracheostomy and a ventilator. Died from a plugged trach in ICU in 1986.
Megan, 6 months
She was severely neurologically impaired and had a heart defect. She died of an infection after heart surgery in 1991.
Jonathan, 8
He had Down syndrome and was diagnosed with leukemia at age 3. He lost his battle after five years of chemo and radiation in 1995. He had a dynamic and enchanting personality and was our silly little clown, even throughout the worst of treatment. Loved Winnie the Pooh.
Nikki, 9
She had Down syndrome and a heart defect that was repaired. She died in 1998 from a brain aneurysm after a staff blood infection. She was a beautiful little girl and a wonderful helper who loved to care for the younger children. She had just learned to read and was helping to teach her siblings.
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