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HALEY KILPATRICK: GIVING YOUNG TEENS SELF-ESTEEM Wearing flip-flops and a nondescript aqua shirt that accentuates her eyes, Georgia native Haley Kilpatrick hurries in to PJ’s Coffee at Atlantic Station. “Haley?” I call after her, guessing from her small build and vivid blond hair that it’s her. “Hi!” she greets me enthusiastically. “How’d you know it was me?” Before I can answer, she chatters on. “I’m bumming it today,” she said apologetically, gesturing down at her casual attire. “So, how are you? Where are you from? Where’d you go to school? Where do you live?” Her demeanor is candid and curious; she immediately puts me at ease, and suddenly I am the interviewee, rather than the interviewer. We chat for a while. I learn that she has a habit of dating sports heroes at South Eastern Conference universities. Ironic, since she attends Kennesaw State University.
She tells me that she’s living alone for the first time ever — and loving the solitude. She recently celebrated a birthday: The big 21. “I’m probably one of the only people who actually remember it,” she said and explained that she’s not much of a drinker. She’s more likely to be found exercising at LA Fitness or watching an action movie at Regal Stadium 16. Ten minutes into our discussion, I’ve already learned so much about Kilpatrick, and received an invitation to hang out with her and her friends. “Don’t worry,” she said. “My friends are mostly older [than me]. They have jobs — I just relate to them better.” Impressive, but it makes sense, considering she’s been spearheading a national, nonprofit organization since she was 16. Kilpatrick is the founder of Girl Talk, a group whose mission is to help teen girls build self-esteem and individuality that will enable them to pursue their dreams. Girl Talk pairs middle school girls with high school mentors. They participate in activities together and encourage conversations that promote self-worth and make them feel less alone during the often-difficult middle school years. Queen Bees and Wannabes “Mine was the typical American middle school experience,” Kilpatrick said. “It wasn’t incredibly dark. It wasn’t that I had no friends or no social life, but there were times I wasn’t invited to a sleepover or a birthday party; times I ate lunch in the bathroom to avoid girl drama; and times I tried to find a reason not to go to school that day. It was exhausting for everyone.” She remembers when, in the sixth grade, girls would use America Online Instant Messenger, or AIM, to anonymously tell others that ‘[insert name here] doesn’t like you.’ “Back then, we didn’t have a name for that sort of thing; now, it’s called cyberbullying,” she said. “It’s painful because the world is so small when you’re that age. I felt out of control and questioned who I was.” But Kilpatrick got through it, and high school was a bit easier. Yet, when her younger sister started middle school, Kilpatrick saw the cycle repeat itself. She realized that her problems were not unique to her family or to Albany, Ga., where she lived: They affected every girl at some point during middle school. “From watching the way my younger sister and her friends looked up to me, as a high schooler, I had a revelation: I could use peer pressure in a positive way and bridge the gap between middle schoolers, high schoolers and social workers,” she said. Talk It Out So at age 16, Kilpatrick, encouraged by her mom to pursue the idea, approached the headmaster and guidance counselor at Deerfield-Windsor School and began a new program called Girl Talk. She met with middle school girls once a week to discuss the issues these girls faced on a daily basis. She provided a box for girls to anonymously leave questions and concerns they had, which would be discussed at future meetings. They also participated in community service projects.
“I thought: If we could help these girls find a meaning and a purpose in that time of their lives, then maybe they wouldn’t make bad choices later on,” she said. Research supports her theory. According to a study by the research organization Public/Private Ventures, youths who have a mentor are 46 percent less likely to begin using illegal drugs, 27 percent less likely to begin using alcohol and 52 percent less likely to skip school. They have more confidence, their academic performance increases and they get along better with their families. At Girl Talk, there is usually one leader/mentor for every five girls. In addition, each group must have a faculty advisor, who is present at all meetings and events. The meetings are held before or after school. During these meetings, a strict no-name rule is enforced to allow the girls to express themselves freely without fear of being embarrassed or judged by others. “What’s said in Girl Talk stays in Girl Talk,” Kilpatrick promised. The leader conducts lessons, often created by Kilpatrick, that address issues the girls face every day. The lessons often focus on topics suggested by the girls themselves and cover themes like being nice, bullying and peer pressure. “Everyone who comes in contact with the program loves it,” said 15-year-old Caleigh Lentz, who signed up for the program when she was in sixth grade. She is now a group leader. During a typical meeting, the leader introduces the topic, shows why it is important by giving a personal example, discusses the situation with the girls, encourages them to listen to each others’ thoughts, and challenges the girls to enact what they learned that day. “I was the girl who was picked on because I’m tall,” Lentz said. “I would come home from school crying, but once I started participating in Girl Talk, it was like a total change. Girl Talk lets you express your feelings and makes you feel good about yourself again. Girls really need this program.” Kilpatrick said Girl Talk also gives high school girls a voice within their communities. The mentors can take the program and make it their own, developing leadership skills along the way. National Popularity Nowadays, Kilpatrick is more likely to be found in her office dreaming up lesson plans, responding to press inquiries and campaigning for funding, than on a middle school campus; but she attends at least one Girl Talk meeting each month and maintains relationships with many of those she mentored. “Haley is the type everyone looks up to — she’s involved, she does well in school, and she would never let you down,” said Lentz, who still talks to Kilpatrick every couple of weeks. Girl Talk, now based in Atlanta, has exploded in popularity. It has 372 chapters in 24 states, with more than 30,000 people involved on a weekly basis. Youths who have a mentor are 46 percent less likely to begin using illegal drugs, 27 percent less likely to begin using alcohol and 52 percent less likely to skip school. They have more confidence, their academic performance increases and they get along better with their families. Since the launch of Girl Talk in 2002, Kilpatrick has been selected as the official spokesperson for American Eagle Outfitters’ Live Your Life campaign; she was named CosmoGIRL! magazine’s 2004 CosmoGIRL! of the Year; she was honored with WXIA-TV’s 11Alive Community Service Award; and she was selected as a finalist for the Montel Show’s 2006 VOICES — One Voice Can Lead to a Chorus for Change campaign. She was also recognized by Gov. Sonny Perdue with State Resolution No. 330 for the impact she has made on young girls’ lives. “Today, it’s bigger than I ever dreamed, but I think when you tap into a need, the right people come on board to make it a success,” said Kilpatrick, who has support from people like Chandra Czape Turner, executive editor at CosmoGIRL! and Lynne Dale, investigative producer for “Dateline NBC” and “ABC Primetime Live.” “People say, ‘How are you?’ and I respond ‘Girl Talk is great — we’re in 24 states now.’ They say, ‘That’s wonderful, but how are YOU?’ and I have no idea,” she said. “Haley and Girl Talk have become so intertwined.” Kilpatrick said she is learning to balance all her activities. She’s studying communications with an emphasis in public relations, works as a nanny two days a week, and spends three days a week on Girl Talk. Her goal is to have Girl Talk chapters in all 50 states by the year 2010. “I’m very happy. It has taken a while to be able to say, ‘It’s OK: I’m not a normal 21-year-old.’ But at the end of the day, what is normal?” she said. “I think about what I’m compromising, a hangover here or there, and I don’t think I’m missing out. My friends joke that I’m going to have one heck of a midlife crisis!” She explained that she’s content cooking and watching “Grey’s Anatomy” during her rare time off. “I’ve been able to have an aerial view of what’s important in life at a young age,” she said. “I feel very blessed, at 21, to know my purpose on this earth.” As for her future? Kilpatrick will graduate next year. She hopes to make Girl Talk her full-time job, and she’ll continue to live by her favorite quote — one from Ghandi: “Be the change you wish to see in this world.” She’s certainly made great progress. PN For more information
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GIRL TALK
